Two Speeches and Her

Today is the manasik day, before we flight to Saudi. There are several interesting of speech. Al-ustadz said 

"maybe, because of we are all had a lot of sins, He let us to realize it first and invite us to His house, be grateful because He gives us this super chance, remember that"

Realising that I have a lot of sins like quite a looooot :( I think I got punch right to my head. I have so much sins to my parents, to the God, to many people, to yarasan hehehe I don't know, just still think about it, my unforgettable mistakes. Aaand I  just started to think "ah this is my time, my right time to be a better person, how about to be morr religious person? Ahh maybe not, I can make sure my self I can be a better person at least to follow what He orders and move away what He hates. Well yaaa I think I can kind of that person, is it still called as religious? Idk but yaaah that's the point of having Islam as my guide.

And this words are magical too, 

"Becareful with our amal,, because there's nothing impossible that somehow we can't go to Saudi to worship, why? Because of He doesn't want us to let us come into His house, so becareful with it"

Remembering I have a lot of sins, again :( my sins :( ahh considering it I might to think Okay, "Aku tergantung prasangka hambaku" by having those words I started to try to reduce my bad habit, and just believe that I am worth enough to come to His house, and I will always try to reducing my bad habit. May His forces be with me.

Aaand for the person I see. I might gonna ask Him to let you getting closer like "okay it's her signal, I can say at least say hello" and ask my serious plan to guide her to Japan 😂 and to His jannah of course. But how do I ask is going to be a problem, because of I'm not a person that can meet a person I like, by meeting only both of us, sooo maybe I will let her take the third person. If I asked why do I do that may be it's because of I'm easily nervous wkwkwk and the second must be of He forbid it right? Am I right? Uhh that's all I can understand from the kajian :( 

Yaah just try to put her name while I'm praying, yeaaaaay!!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

If only she stay with me in the end, I will tell her this my long journey to find her.