Sedih banget ga hafal juz 'amma pas salat di harom sama nabawi :(
Mo pake surat panjang banyak kata-kata di tengah yang lupa :(
Nyesel banget lah ini ga mantepin muroja'ah dulu
Haduuuuh dasar ya saya

It's okay, next time ayo kita ke sana lagi dengan harus upgrade hafalan :))

Sampe lima kali lagi nongol di story ni doi, gua chat langsung "kok anda bikin penasaran ya, ada peluang ga nih?"

Dalam rangka mengenal lebih aja hehehe, udeh stalking dikit masa lalunya kek gimana dan yaaa I don't really mind, cuz everybody's changing. Yihaaa!

Woooy gilaaaa lu!! Random bgt lu! Tbtb ngomong gitu!!

Eh tapi kan yaa emg salah sih, jadi yaa gapapa wajar minta maaf mah

Heey!! Apa ngga aneh lu dikira tbtb ngomong gituan??

Yaa mo gimana lagi dong, daripada ganjel kan ye? Yaa mending selesein aja wkwk gapapa onlen ini kan yak wkwk

Oh iya bener juga lu! Tapi abis ini gimana dong?

Yaa paling canggung doang sih wkwk tapi positif yaa udah bilang kan ya? Wkwk yaudahlah kita lihat nanti aja wkwk

Iye juga ye, kadang hidup tuh seru juga kalo ada hal hal ginian, random awkward yaaa skrg aja masih deg degan woooy! Wkwk dah ah

Tegang banget ini mo nulis apaan bilang maafnya ahahahaha sialaaaaaaan aduuuh
Astaghfirullah . . . Toloong dong ini ngomongnya :(

Ada satu hal penting lagi yang cukup membuatku tidak tenang.

Aku belum meminta maaf dengan benar.
Hari ini, mungkin aku akan mengusahakan meminta maaf dengan benar.
Satu beban terakhir.

Semoga diberikan kekuatan oleh-Nya.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Oh no! Currently my head is full of her name. I need to calm down, I need to break this mind. Instead of just thinking about it, I should go to pray and mention her name, ask Him, ask Him and ask Him!!

Be careful, tetap waras!

Kalaulah nanti Allah mengizinkan,
Kalaulah nanti Allah memeberi kekuatan,
Kalaulah nanti Allah memberi keberanian,

Lalu nanti aku akan 

"halo, assalamu'alaikum ****. hai apa kabar? semoga sehat-sehat yaa hehe . . ."

Lalu nanti aku akan 

"kayaknya langsung aja sih, you're quite interesting and i wanna know about you more, tapi! apa **** sedang dekat dengan seseorang saat ini? atau malahan sudah ada yang datang ke rumah? hehehe"

Sisa?

Mungkin lebih baik dibiarkan seperti itu saja dulu, masa depan itu mungkin memang lebih baik misterius untuk tetap menarik, ditambah pula sudah lama sekali tidak basa basi mendekati perempuan sejak duaribulimabelasan itu. Oh ya! dan juga supaya menjaga aku untuk tetap waras dalam berpikir, diusahakan tidak boleh fanatik lagi terhadap mahluk-Nya.

Sekarang mari kita mempersiapkan diri saja. Berbenah pola pikir, berbenah mendidik, berbenah untuk berbagi, berbenah untuk lebih ta'at pada tuntutan dan anjuran agama. Pokoknya berbenah dari hal-hal yang tidak baik menuju baik. Semoga Allah membersamaiku, begitu pula untukmu. Bismillah ya, yok bisa yok!

Yesterday I met an old friend, i think I have ever told her.

We met suddenly because she had to accompany her mother. She said that she suddenly ask for a half day to work.
We met and talked a lot of things, life, job, planning, someone special that we're trying reach hahaha that was fun, the last time we met was in the end of 2018 I guess, at the time I was broke because of yarasan. Wait no! Because of my stupidity. Gomenasai yarasan 🙏. At the time I ask her to be a listener.

And we met again in 2020 wtih my better feeling hahaha, actually it was really a sudden meeting because that day about 11 am I was asked "do you have any free time today? If you do I will cut my day half and go to Bandung at 2 pm" and the meeting done.

If I remembered a long time ago, like very very several years ago in junior high school. I don't know how, but in jhs she became a close friend and a place where I can tell my problems and also I'm becoming a listener.
We don't talk much in elementary school, but after the graduation here we are. It's funny how the fate works.

Today I wake up with a strange feeling.
Found that she has been with someone.
What I can do is just,
"Ow okay, sooo she's already get hers"
I knew it's going to be a long journey.
As I said before, don't expect something good.

Then I realized, it was a dream.
Yes, it's a dream affecting me after wake up
Cuz lately I was trying to find out, what kind of person she is.

But then, what is the meaning of a dream?
If everything is under God's control?
Does it mean something? Or is it just a neuron connection?
None of us, the people, know.
But somehow, it becomes something interesting because of its mistery and I can find the answer with scientific method.

May she always be protected by Him

Today is the manasik day, before we flight to Saudi. There are several interesting of speech. Al-ustadz said 

"maybe, because of we are all had a lot of sins, He let us to realize it first and invite us to His house, be grateful because He gives us this super chance, remember that"

Realising that I have a lot of sins like quite a looooot :( I think I got punch right to my head. I have so much sins to my parents, to the God, to many people, to yarasan hehehe I don't know, just still think about it, my unforgettable mistakes. Aaand I  just started to think "ah this is my time, my right time to be a better person, how about to be morr religious person? Ahh maybe not, I can make sure my self I can be a better person at least to follow what He orders and move away what He hates. Well yaaa I think I can kind of that person, is it still called as religious? Idk but yaaah that's the point of having Islam as my guide.

And this words are magical too, 

"Becareful with our amal,, because there's nothing impossible that somehow we can't go to Saudi to worship, why? Because of He doesn't want us to let us come into His house, so becareful with it"

Remembering I have a lot of sins, again :( my sins :( ahh considering it I might to think Okay, "Aku tergantung prasangka hambaku" by having those words I started to try to reduce my bad habit, and just believe that I am worth enough to come to His house, and I will always try to reducing my bad habit. May His forces be with me.

Aaand for the person I see. I might gonna ask Him to let you getting closer like "okay it's her signal, I can say at least say hello" and ask my serious plan to guide her to Japan 😂 and to His jannah of course. But how do I ask is going to be a problem, because of I'm not a person that can meet a person I like, by meeting only both of us, sooo maybe I will let her take the third person. If I asked why do I do that may be it's because of I'm easily nervous wkwkwk and the second must be of He forbid it right? Am I right? Uhh that's all I can understand from the kajian :( 

Yaah just try to put her name while I'm praying, yeaaaaay!!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

If only she stay with me in the end, I will tell her this my long journey to find her.

Soooo technically I'm a hafizh for one juz in the last just 😂 according to the test I took whej I was in college. When I was there, in my boarding house, I recited quite often and the result of the test I got A!

And soo lately I just used it back in my worship, and sadly there are several kalimah I forget the line, aaahh I know it's so long time not to use it. I think I need to use more and more and more and more.

So what I dream of, I can move to the juz number 29. Cuz since the last time I past the test, I never add some new ayah :( even for muraja'ah I can say it's a zero :( Ah I wanna stop doing stupid things :(

May His force always be with me.

About two weeks ago, I was driving my car, my sister's car actually, to go to campus. And I heard the mq radio, you know what the topics? It's important to have a same vision with her.

So I thought, before I decide to take her, I'll be asking for her vision about, family building. It's gonna be super important. Like damn important! Ah I wish I can talk her soon.

Takane no M-san.

Dear M-san. In the name of Allah, recently you're interesting. Do I think this is from Him? Sometimes I think so, but also I'm afraid it's not. So I'm praying may the best of us.

Now I'm feeling healthier than the last two years hahaha damn
I think I should've done it earlier
Ah how stupid I am

But well, I'm gonna turn into a new phase, "work".
Lucky I had gone from the sadness of her, so I'm ready for a new sadness period :( hahaha
No! I've to use my mind so I can control it and face it, but why? Cuz I'm gonna try to get closer with someone? Yeaaah there's nothing wrong if I try, but first one I need some clues :( and I have no idea how to get the clues.
Well, good luck for me. Just try to say "hello" first.