I'm walking on the dark night.
I'm walking with my own shadow.
Can't be seen, but he's there.
He's still walking, then he ask me.

"Why don't you take some rest?"
I'm waiting her. Her gift.
She can give me a life.

"How about the people around you?" My shadow ask again.
They give it too, but it's a different thing.

"Look at it! There is someone there, she's taking something, it looks like a drink i guess. Let's go there, let us take some rest!"
We don't go there.
"Why?"
It's fatamorgana, you know even though we're walking in the dark and feel so fuckin cold. It doesn't mean the fatamorgana isn't there.
"How do you know?"
Because she gives me pain. Let's keep walking, we don't know when need to stop, is it gonna take a while or we'll be stopping when we die.

The Rains are falling down.
My eyes are opened.
I'm staying in the darkness.
It's really dark here.
There's no anybody here.
It's cold here. I bet nobody loves this place.
There's no life here.
How does it feel, when you have a normal life?
How does it feel, when you are surrounded by good people?
How does it feel? To be happy a lot?
How are you?

The story is really so fuckin good. I cried 3/4 times. Clannad is too good to be true.

‘自分だけが思っている’.

Those lyrics tell how the feeling lives in one place. Unanswered love. The feeling lives alone. Lonely? Absolutely 100%. It's a type of feeling that can't be changed. Is it possible to left the feeling? I don't, at least for now. You just can't change her, everyday she lives in my mind. She just can't be replaced, I don't know, but I'm feeling that she's the one that can save my life.

あなたの気持ちが見えない
望むほど苦しくなる
それでも嫌いになれない

Sudah sekitar gatau berapa kali haha, 4-5 kayaknya kali pertemuan, ikut ngaji, ngaji santai sama bang bilal di Al-Latiif.  Tapi hari ini ngga ikut dulu, fisik tidak begitu mendukung, perlu istirahat, kegiatan hari minggu ini agak beda.

Rasanya jadi aneh kalo ga ikut ngaji hari Minggu, biasanya abis ashar langsung caw, hari ini hupir eeeuy :( padahal hari ini dah masuk ke surat an-nas, semoga mingdep di-review deh heuheuheu

Semoga pulih, semoga bisa ikut lagi. Biar apa? Mekel jadi imam dan akhirat. Banyak teuing dosa euy :(

Those eyes are still killing me from a person that liked in a very  very short time.

Hers are still saying "don't get closer with me!", "Get out of my life!", "You're annoying!".

It's hers, hahahaha. That was great.

Senin, 4 Maret 2019 ikut ngaji lagi di Al-Latiif. Berangkat ke sana karena ngerasa butuh pencerahan.

Baru nulis lagi, karena lagi pengen.

Kira-kira begini isinya.

Memperbaiki diri | konteks dalam pasangan yang lebih pas.

Orang yang selalu memperbaiki diri beruntung. Kata Allah.

Mindset kewajaran iman naik turun itu harusnya dibuang. Negrasa naikin iman itu susah.

How to be better, perbaikan diri?

1. Cinta taubat.
Part of sunnah Rasul, minimal 100 kali sehari, istighfar.

Why? Karena kita ga tau kapan ampunan Allah turun. Godaannya luar biasa di luar masjid, di tempat umum.

Open chance with istighfar, buka peluang dengan istighfar.

Allah ga suka sama orang yang suka ngomong kasar. (An nisa, 148), bisi ga ngasih rahmat.

Gimana mau dikasih rahmat kalo disukai Allah aja ngga karena sekedar ngomong kasar?

2. Jangan tinggalkan shalat.

Masalahnya banyak shalat yang ga serius, tapi gapapa, shalat aja terus perbaiki.

Ada shalat 65 rb kali, tapi ga ada yg diterima. Why? Ga tumaninah.

Kalau abis shalat ga memperbaiki diri, artinya shalat kita cuma sekedar shalat.
Ga berefek.

Jangan asik sendiri kalo sudah lebih baik.

Faktanya kebebasan itu tidak benar-benar bebas, dia terikat pada kebebasan itu sendiri.

Imam Syafi'i, kalau ga sibuk perbaikan diri, berarti sibuk lagi berdosa.

3. Mohon ke Allah agar bersama orang-orang baik. Lingkungan sangat ngaruh banget ke kita.